Comparación de textos del FCE. Original vs Correcto

Comparación de un “report”

TEXTO ORIGINAL

Although all the young people have to learn about a lot of different teorical subjects to pass the school successfully and it includes a subject to improve it with all the class and around two hours a week. 

This subject shows the benefits of having a healthy life and includes a lot of games to burn fat and show young people to apply them out of school. As a result of that, they acquires skills to keep healthy and fit for the rest of their lives. 

Instead of that, doing sport is important to keep a healthy life but also you have to take care about what you have to eat or not. 

The school should include a subject to improve the knowledge about food and health for young people. 
To conclude, having a healthy life can provide you a longer life than other person that haven’t done any physical activity and eat junk food, for that reason is important to teach that in the school and make longer live for young people.

TEXTO CORRECTO

The Importance of Health Education for Young People

While young people are required to learn many theoretical subjects to succeed in school, including dedicated classes focused on physical activity for around two hours per week, these classes often fall short.

These physical education classes typically highlight the benefits of a healthy lifestyle and may incorporate games to burn calories. However, their focus is often limited to physical activity within the school setting. To truly equip young people with lifelong health habits, a more comprehensive approach is necessary.

Physical activity is certainly crucial for good health, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. A balanced diet is equally important. Therefore, schools should also consider incorporating a dedicated subject focused on food and nutrition alongside physical education.

This combined approach would provide young people with a well-rounded understanding of healthy living, encompassing both physical activity and healthy eating habits. By learning about nutrition and making informed dietary choices, young people can take control of their health and well-being, not just in school but throughout their lives.

Ultimately, a healthy lifestyle can lead to a longer and more fulfilling life. By prioritizing health education, schools can empower young people to make positive choices that benefit them in the long term.

Explicación detallada de las correcciones del REPORT:

Introducción:

  • En la versión original, la introducción se limitaba a mencionar la existencia de las clases de educación física y su enfoque en la actividad física. En la versión corregida, se ha ampliado la introducción para contextualizar la importancia de estas clases. Se menciona que, si bien la educación física es un componente esencial para el desarrollo saludable de los jóvenes, a menudo se queda corta en su alcance.

Ejemplo:

  • Original: “Although all the young people have to learn about a lot of different teorical subjects to pass the school successfully and it includes a subject to improve it with all the class and around two hours a week.”
  • Corregido: “While young people are required to learn many theoretical subjects to succeed in school, including dedicated classes focused on physical activity for around two hours per week, these classes often fall short.”

Contenido:

  • Uno de los cambios más importantes están en la reformulación del contenido para enfatizar la necesidad de un enfoque holístico que combine la educación física con la educación nutricional. En la versión original, se mencionaba la importancia de la dieta, pero no se le daba el mismo peso que a la actividad física. En la versión corregida, se dedica un espacio considerable a explicar la relación entre una dieta balanceada y la salud en general.

Ejemplo:

  • Original: “Instead of that, doing sport is important to keep a healthy life but also you have to take care about what you have to eat or not.”
  • Corregido: “Physical activity is certainly crucial for good health, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. A balanced diet is equally important. Therefore, schools should also consider incorporating a dedicated subject focused on food and nutrition alongside physical education.”

Conclusión:

  • La conclusión original era un poco vaga y no aportaba un mensaje claro. En la versión corregida, se ha reforzado la conclusión con un llamado a la acción. Se anima a las escuelas a priorizar la educación en salud y se destaca el papel fundamental que ésta juega en el bienestar de los jóvenes a largo plazo.

Ejemplo:

  • Original: “To conclude, having a healthy life can provide you a longer life than other person that haven’t done any physical activity and eat junk food, for that reason is important to teach that in the school and make longer live for young people.”
  • Corregido: “Ultimately, a healthy lifestyle can lead to a longer and more fulfilling life. By prioritizing health education, schools can empower young people to make positive choices that benefit them in the long term.”

En general, las correcciones realizadas no solo mejoran la calidad del texto en términos de gramática y vocabulario, sino que también lo dotan de mayor profundidad, claridad y enfoque. Se ha pasado de un texto informal y poco estructurado a uno formal, coherente y persuasivo.

Además de las correcciones mencionadas antes, se han hecho otros cambios menores para mejorar la fluidez del texto y la experiencia del lector.

Es importante destacar que estas correcciones son solo sugerencias y pueden adaptarse a las necesidades y preferencias del autor.

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